


How to Tell if You're Gay with The Patriots

by GDAWG135



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Boss really has no idea whats going on, Coming Out, Crack, Everyone Is Doing Their Best, M/M, Minor Big Boss/Kazuhira Miller, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Portable Ops Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:44:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GDAWG135/pseuds/GDAWG135
Summary: Sometimes people need to be smacked in the face with the truth, and The Patriots are trying their best to make Snake realize who he actually is.





	How to Tell if You're Gay with The Patriots

Big Boss cautiously approached the meeting room. Para-Medic had made an urgent request for everyone of The Patriots to assemble there for a very important presentation. The vagueness of the reason for the meeting had Snake nervous about it. All he knew is it sounded really serious when it was ordered. Inside, Para-Medic was standing at a podium; she smiled at Snake as he entered the room. Eva was sitting in the front row, and motioned for Snake to take the seat next to her. Zero was standing at the back of the room with the projector, his arms crossed and looking very annoyed. In the corner sat Ocelot who tried his hardest to act like he wasn’t excited about Snake entering the room; he frowned as Snake sat in the seat next to Eva. 

"I’m glad everyone could make it." Para-Medic announced, drawing everyone’s attention to her. "We have a really important presentation to share. We hope that you gain some valuable information from it."

She seemed to speak that hope directly at Snake making him tense up. The ominous air was making him feel like needed to be ready for a fight.

"Zero, if you could start the projector, please." Para-Medic continued.

Ocelot turned off the lights, and Zero began the slideshow. The first slide glared onto the screen and said in big bold letters, "How to Know if You’re Gay with The Patriot". Snake considered the words for a moment, and immediately dismissed them. He was glad the meeting wasn’t about him. Without a word from anyone the next slide appeared and read “You are!”, and with that the screen turned black signifying the end of the slides. Snake furrowed his brow in thought. "_What did that presentation mean?_" , he thought.

He was about to voice his thoughts when Eva turned to him and asked, "So, did you get it?"

"Get what?" He replied and everyone in the room groaned. 

Snake frowned and silently contemplated the slideshow. Para-Medic put her head in her hands with an exhausted sigh. Eva left her seat to console her, and they both left the room. Zero shook his head and silently left as well. In the corner Ocelot was slouching low in his seat as if he was moping. Snake took their cue and left the room as well; he felt like he needed a smoke after trying to make sense of what had just occurred. 

It wasn’t until two years later when Snake met an intelligent and tenacious blonde man on the battlefield in Columbia, did he finally understand what those slides had meant. 

**Author's Note:**

> This all stemmed from 3am snapchat messages, and I regret nothing


End file.
